everybody wanted to be maurice richard...

decisions, decisions and more decisions. it seems that they are never-ending; one is made and two more emerge from its monstrous belly. decisions seems to multiply exponentially, they breed like rabbits, divide like cells.

(do cells divide exponentially? oh who cares...)

i've begun applying for schools, but i still don't know exactly what i want to do with myself. is that bad? i told myself that next time around i would do things differently. I would go to school only once i had established a clear and focused plan. ha! i am beginning to doubt that i will ever have such a thing. so, well, school anyways? school for the sake of school, for the sake of curiosity and my sanity? is that really such a terrible reason? education can't be bad for me, can it? (well...let's not mention the financial part, mmm?)

and speaking of decisions: to montreal or not to montreal? there are forces pulling me in two directions and there are justifications and fears involved with both of them. montreal could potentially improve my ability to converse with the French and the Hip...it could also leave me lonely and lost and purposeless in a brand new city for the second time in a year. it could bring me great joy at the discovery of a side of canada that i've never experienced: maple syrup, frozen ponds and winter clothes! so new, so exciting! so costly. it could bring me constant parties, patriotism, and poutine! it could kill me.

oh yah, and i guess some dude i kinda like will be there.

i guess there's only one thing left to do. ye olde pros and cons list!

ha.

naw, i guess i'll just do what i always do: put it off until the last minute and then make a decision based on panic.

oh yeah, i went to saltspring. it was pretty, and nice, and warm, and people waved at us for no good reason. it was nothing like montreal.

each peach pear plum

off to saltspring, hoorah.

spent a listless week recovering from numerous real and imagined illnesses and pains. still don't feel quite myself: i think it's the changing of the seasons that's putting such a creak in my bones. poor young old me.

i'm looking forward to being out of the city for a few days. i think i may be in some desperate need of perspective on my life here; a bit of distance to allow me to examine each crack and crevice rather than flailing my beetle arms at the bottom of them. it's possible that that analogy is nonsensical, but, y'know, you get the idea. lots of flailing.

anyways, yah, perspective. i feel like i don't have a lot of prospects at the moment, and that perhaps it is time to jolt myself out of this complacent existence. time for something new, or something borrowed, or something blue.

no wait, that's not right.

ah well.