more ramblings on the same-old same-old...

vancouver. i've been back for a little over a week, and it feels already like forever - almost as though montreal was a dream and i never really left. except a lot has changed since last i was here, in sly little ways.

i spent my first week back home volunteering at the ubc farm's summer camp for kids. it was amazing to have the opportunity to combine some of my favorite things - agriculture, environmentalism, kids... and of course petting chickens. and building forts in the forest. and jumping around barefoot in clay. and picking blackberries. and eating blackberries, and grinding wheat into flour, and cooking amazing fresh food... pretty much everything we did can be counted among my favorite things, actually. and the kids were just so much fun - even in a week i felt like i grew so attached to the wide-eyed little critters. i think it gave me a good taste of what education is all about; how rewarding it can be helping kids learn, discover, adapt to new situations. i was amazed, too, at how kind and considerate kids are at that age, how inclusive and non-judgemental. it was refreshing, touching. i teared up a little on the last day, realizing that i wouldn't get to hang out with these kids anymore.

i guess it made me feel a bit more confident in the path i've started on. i still have a lot of doubts and hesitations. a lot of second thoughts, a lot of cynical thoughts about giving up my dreams, about giving up on a direction i thought i wanted. but i try to remember the ways that education can intersect with all those things and i try to remember how important education and children are to making changes in the world. this was something that came up a lot in convoluted class discussions last year in some of my environment classes: often the discussion would spiral and spiral around different ways to make things better, but always it seemed to come down to the fact that everyone must be aware of the problems and potential solutions and the ways that their own behaviors affect the world, and they must care about nature and humans and the world and the universe in order to want to make sacrifices, changes. and the best and most consistent place to foster and nurture this sense of wonder, caring, and love of the planet is in school, starting from a young age.

but, well, i'm starting down this road, and i can't really get off it for now. i started my prereqs for education at langara this week, and though my profs and classes are so far much better than i expected, i am still finding it hard to get excited about being in school. i am feeling very torn, too, between my passion for environmental politics and my need (or perceived need) to pursue something more practical. i still dream of a master's program one day, and maybe i will still apply. but where am i going with all this? i'm already on my third post-secondary instititution...how much more disconnected random schooling can i do before i stick to something fully? i keep thinking that at some point i will find a way to tie it all together.... how can i combine education with my excitement about organic agriculture, my excitement about environmental philosophy, activism, etc? i know i keep asking this question, coming back these same themes lately, but they are foremost in my mind right now. how how how can i live with myself if i give up on one thing to pursue something else?

anyways. vancouver. the sun is shining and my friends are so nearby. it is so good to be here. i'll stick to the everyday stuff for now, try to focus on that. try to stop planning the future so much and just let things come in here and there to shape my direction.