yes we can!

i am going back and forth these days between total contentment with every single part of my little life, to total despair about the future. i am feeling cynical and discouraged about my latest career path. i just don't know if i'm cut out for a life without academia, without bouncing ideas around with people my own age. i mean, elementary school students have fantastic, fascinating ideas too, and i find kids can be as inspiring as adults, and often in a more open way, and yet... my mind wanders back constantly to the idea of a masters. i dunno, i just have so much i still need to focus on before i can fathom focusing on teaching math, teaching basic social skills. it's a noble job, but is it the noble job for me?

i feel kinda redundant these days. is this all i ever talk about? i hope not. cause there is so much great stuff going on my life. maybe not anything specifically, but in general i just seem to be surrounded by fantastic people, and seem to be having a lot of good conversations, a lot of good food, a lot of good times. been dreading the end of school a bit; that emptiness that comes when suddenly i don't have something i should be learning every single minute of every single day. but trying to remember the possibilities that that opens up for self-education; for reading what i want, learning what i want when i want, and experiencing things too. experiencing is always good.

but man. obama! i've been feeling so much less cynical for the last week, feeling like there is indeed hope, even if he is just a symbol of change and not necessarily the change itself. we'll have to wait and see what happens, but really, just his being there, as president of the United States is momentous enough to make me feel like people still care about the world and each other. and that is no small thing. his speech really did seem to be coming from a place of honesty, of genuine concern and love for people. and finally someone who turns it all around and tells us it is us, the people, who have to make the changes needed; that casting a vote is only a tiny step in a giant movement. i dunno, i'm feeling pretty hopeful right now, and i feel like maybe this is an important time to be alive, and an important time for us to all start making some serious changes, take some action to make the world the way we want it to be.

yeah. i dunno. it's an exciting, scary time to be alive.