so. i'm in the new delhi railway station, on my way to haridwar to see eben(!) and natalie (!) and noah(!) (oh my...)
leaving rajastan was a little sad. there was something in the air there, something that was somehow and inexplicably different from the rest of india. maybe just sand...
spent a few days in bed in jaisalmer, strange illness that caused me to be extremely tired and unable to follow conversations, especially conversations in french. and then, up i got and onto the camel's back. into the desert, into the sun. and i felt immediately better. except for the camel riding part...ooo. not so comfortable.
first day there was a giant windstorm. for lunch we ate chappatis cooked with sand, vegetables spiced with sand, chai sprinkled with sand... tried to set up camp in the dunes, huddled under blankets or under camels, unable to come out without blinding oneself. occasionally a tumbleweed would drift past.
finally it died down, and the night was calm. for dinner our seasoning of choice seemed to be wiggling insects rather than sand. a refreshing change. thank goodness it was dark and we couldn't see much of what we were eating...
sleeping on dunes in the middle of nowhere. so so dark, such bright stars. the first time i've camped in months - it was lovely and felt like home. sunrise was incredible, slow, anticlimactic. back on the camels, back to my new friend rocket who is not so speedy as her name may suggest, and back to the pain...
and now here i am, moving by train rather than camel. a little faster, a little less painful, but not quite so cute.
back in dehli where it all began. seems a little less insane to me now, but still insane enough.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Thursday, March 16, 2006
a love-hate relationship
so. udaipur... what to say about this place? so far i have had my best and worst experiences here - in india, and possibly my life.
this town, as jessy (my partner in crime for the past couple weeks) has pointed out, is mainly about nice views and climbing stairs.
the first day we arrived was the first day of holi, which is a magnificent festival that we absolutely must bring to canada. we were invited to celebrate with the family of a friend we met on the train. they were absolutely lovely and welcoming, making us a delicious dinner and making us feel like honored guests.
the next day was the culmination of holi, where absolutely everyone gets covered in color. i stepped out into the streets and within seconds i was blueyellowpinkgreen. i was also, however, surrounded by packs of men who finally had an excuse to place their hands wherever the hell they wanted while i stood trapped and furious. needless to say i returned to the guesthouse pretty quickly to watch from the sidelines, until a family living nextdoor invited us in to sit with them while the women sang and the men socialised... this, however did not last long, and before we knew what was happening the kids had all grabbed buckets and were making for the hose... helped to wash off some of the color though. quite hilarious watching these digified women in saries getting attacked by dignified old men in their sunday best, everyone laughing hysterically - especially when me and jessy got held down and attacked from all sides.
later we went back to lokesh's family where all the kids were adorably excited to see us again and cover us (again) with color. we ended up having a big hindi dance party in the living room, with me and jessy awkwardly trying to imitate the graceful and totally beautiful dancing of the women in the family. later, we went and saw the sights of udaipur from the back of a motorbike - the aftermath of holi is quite a sight, with drains running with blue and red, men with green hair, multi -colored cows...
so, these are the things and days and experiences that make it all worthwhile. and yet, it is impossible to forget that i am a woman here, impossible to forget that as a western woman travelling in india i am seen as many things and few of them are based on my wonderful personality. i am money(come see my shop?) , i am status (please, one photo?) and i am sex. (hello madam. very beautiful! hisshiss). it can sometimes be ignored but other days it is just too depressing to let it slide. i have been sad to discover in the last few days that even my own instincts cannot be trusted, that people are never as they seem and the stereotype into which i am pigeon-holed is never far from the surface. i have learned that making friends with indian men is not the same as making friends with canadaian men, and that cultural differences can be totally overwhelming and impossible to overcome. never in my life have i felt so violated, so invaded as in this country. as noah will attest to, there have been days where i have felt like all the good things about india can be ecliipsed by a single incident, a single hand reaching where it could never go in canada without a law suit.
one thing which i find interesting is that is doesn't seem to be so much indian culture that is to blame as it is western culture. it is the way that women are constructed in popular culture and media in north america that creates the strange and offensive ideas that most men under thirty here seem to have about us roaming females. (the sexual repression of young people here, however, is certainly a factor) this is something i think we all need to think about in a society where we are becoming apathetic, where many people think that women's rights and human rights have reached their pinnacle and that we are as progressive as you can get. (this, in a culture where women are still shown in their panties on tv magazine covers movies newspapers, where women are still valued culturally for their youth and beauty rather than their identities, their humanness, where i know women who feel that they are only valuable and attractive when some trashyboy thinks they're hot) and this is exacly it - because of these portrayals i am not seen as being totally human here by men but rather as a sexual object to be possessed. sickening. being here has, paradoxically, made me think more and more about how much further we have to progress in canada, and how much work needs to be done to open people's eyes. apathy, apathy...
well, what else can i say? there are days that are indescribably beautiful, where india opens up beyond the tourist walls and i can catch precious glimpses into this fabulous culture. and other days i just want to crawl under a rock, or get a sex change. for now, i will just take out my frustrations here, and hopefully that will be enough to get me through the hard days. (christina, i wish you could be here sometimes to discuss and scream about this with me!)
love you all, and appreciating all of your fabulous intelligent empathetic and critical minds.
hugs and misses
this town, as jessy (my partner in crime for the past couple weeks) has pointed out, is mainly about nice views and climbing stairs.
the first day we arrived was the first day of holi, which is a magnificent festival that we absolutely must bring to canada. we were invited to celebrate with the family of a friend we met on the train. they were absolutely lovely and welcoming, making us a delicious dinner and making us feel like honored guests.
the next day was the culmination of holi, where absolutely everyone gets covered in color. i stepped out into the streets and within seconds i was blueyellowpinkgreen. i was also, however, surrounded by packs of men who finally had an excuse to place their hands wherever the hell they wanted while i stood trapped and furious. needless to say i returned to the guesthouse pretty quickly to watch from the sidelines, until a family living nextdoor invited us in to sit with them while the women sang and the men socialised... this, however did not last long, and before we knew what was happening the kids had all grabbed buckets and were making for the hose... helped to wash off some of the color though. quite hilarious watching these digified women in saries getting attacked by dignified old men in their sunday best, everyone laughing hysterically - especially when me and jessy got held down and attacked from all sides.
later we went back to lokesh's family where all the kids were adorably excited to see us again and cover us (again) with color. we ended up having a big hindi dance party in the living room, with me and jessy awkwardly trying to imitate the graceful and totally beautiful dancing of the women in the family. later, we went and saw the sights of udaipur from the back of a motorbike - the aftermath of holi is quite a sight, with drains running with blue and red, men with green hair, multi -colored cows...
so, these are the things and days and experiences that make it all worthwhile. and yet, it is impossible to forget that i am a woman here, impossible to forget that as a western woman travelling in india i am seen as many things and few of them are based on my wonderful personality. i am money(come see my shop?) , i am status (please, one photo?) and i am sex. (hello madam. very beautiful! hisshiss). it can sometimes be ignored but other days it is just too depressing to let it slide. i have been sad to discover in the last few days that even my own instincts cannot be trusted, that people are never as they seem and the stereotype into which i am pigeon-holed is never far from the surface. i have learned that making friends with indian men is not the same as making friends with canadaian men, and that cultural differences can be totally overwhelming and impossible to overcome. never in my life have i felt so violated, so invaded as in this country. as noah will attest to, there have been days where i have felt like all the good things about india can be ecliipsed by a single incident, a single hand reaching where it could never go in canada without a law suit.
one thing which i find interesting is that is doesn't seem to be so much indian culture that is to blame as it is western culture. it is the way that women are constructed in popular culture and media in north america that creates the strange and offensive ideas that most men under thirty here seem to have about us roaming females. (the sexual repression of young people here, however, is certainly a factor) this is something i think we all need to think about in a society where we are becoming apathetic, where many people think that women's rights and human rights have reached their pinnacle and that we are as progressive as you can get. (this, in a culture where women are still shown in their panties on tv magazine covers movies newspapers, where women are still valued culturally for their youth and beauty rather than their identities, their humanness, where i know women who feel that they are only valuable and attractive when some trashyboy thinks they're hot) and this is exacly it - because of these portrayals i am not seen as being totally human here by men but rather as a sexual object to be possessed. sickening. being here has, paradoxically, made me think more and more about how much further we have to progress in canada, and how much work needs to be done to open people's eyes. apathy, apathy...
well, what else can i say? there are days that are indescribably beautiful, where india opens up beyond the tourist walls and i can catch precious glimpses into this fabulous culture. and other days i just want to crawl under a rock, or get a sex change. for now, i will just take out my frustrations here, and hopefully that will be enough to get me through the hard days. (christina, i wish you could be here sometimes to discuss and scream about this with me!)
love you all, and appreciating all of your fabulous intelligent empathetic and critical minds.
hugs and misses
a love-hate relationship
so. udaipur... what to say about this place? so far i have had my best and worst experiences here - in india, and possibly my life.
this town, as jessy (my partner in crime for the past couple weeks) has pointed out, is mainly about nice views and climbing stairs.
the first day we arrived was the first day of holi, which is a magnificent festival that we absolutely must bring to canada. we were invited to celebrate with the family of a friend we met on the train. they were absolutely lovely and welcoming, making us a delicious dinner and making us feel like honored guests.
the next day was the culmination of holi, where absolutely everyone gets covered in color. i stepped out into the streets and within seconds i was blueyellowpinkgreen. i was also, however, surrounded by packs of men who finally had an excuse to place their hands wherever the hell they wanted while i stood trapped and furious. needless to say i returned to the guesthouse pretty quickly to watch from the sidelines, until a family living nextdoor invited us in to sit with them while the women sang and the men socialised... this, however did not last long, and before we knew what was happening the kids had all grabbed buckets and were making for the hose... helped to wash off some of the color though. quite hilarious watching these digified women in saries getting attacked by dignified old men in their sunday best, everyone laughing hysterically - especially when me and jessy got held down and attacked from all sides.
later we went back to lokesh's family where all the kids were adorably excited to see us again and cover us (again) with color. we ended up having a big hindi dance party in the living room, with me and jessy awkwardly trying to imitate the graceful and totally beautiful dancing of the women in the family. later, we went and saw the sights of udaipur from the back of a motorbike - the aftermath of holi is quite a sight, with drains running with blue and red, men with green hair, multi -colored cows...
so, these are the things and days and experiences that make it all worthwhile. and yet, it is impossible to forget that i am a woman here, impossible to forget that as a western woman travelling in india i am seen as many things and few of them are based on my wonderful personality. i am money(come see my shop?) , i am status (please, one photo?) and i am sex. (hello madam. very beautiful! hisshiss). it can sometimes be ignored but other days it is just too depressing to let it slide. i have been sad to discover in the last few days that even my own instincts cannot be trusted, that people are never as they seem and the stereotype into which i am pigeon-holed is never far from the surface. i have learned that making friends with indian men is not the same as making friends with canadaian men, and that cultural differences can be totally overwhelming and impossible to overcome. never in my life have i felt so violated, so invaded as in this country. as noah will attest to, there have been days where i have felt like all the good things about india can be ecliipsed by a single incident, a single hand reaching where it could never go in canada without a law suit.
one thing which i find interesting is that is doesn't seem to be so much indian culture that is to blame as it is western culture. it is the way that women are constructed in popular culture and media in north america that creates the strange and offensive ideas that most men under thirty here seem to have about us roaming females. (the sexual repression of young people here, however, is certainly a factor) this is something i think we all need to think about in a society where we are becoming apathetic, where many people think that women's rights and human rights have reached their pinnacle and that we are as progressive as you can get. (this, in a culture where women are still shown in their panties on tv magazine covers movies newspapers, where women are still valued culturally for their youth and beauty rather than their identities, their humanness, where i know women who feel that they are only valuable and attractive when some trashyboy thinks they're hot) and this is exacly it - because of these portrayals i am not seen as being totally human here by men but rather as a sexual object to be possessed. sickening. being here has, paradoxically, made me think more and more about how much further we have to progress in canada, and how much work needs to be done to open people's eyes. apathy, apathy...
well, what else can i say? there are days that are indescribably beautiful, where india opens up beyond the tourist walls and i can catch precious glimpses into this fabulous culture. and other days i just want to crawl under a rock, or get a sex change. for now, i will just take out my frustrations here, and hopefully that will be enough to get me through the hard days. (christina, i wish you could be here sometimes to discuss and scream about this with me!)
love you all, and appreciating all of your fabulous intelligent empathetic and critical minds.
hugs and misses
this town, as jessy (my partner in crime for the past couple weeks) has pointed out, is mainly about nice views and climbing stairs.
the first day we arrived was the first day of holi, which is a magnificent festival that we absolutely must bring to canada. we were invited to celebrate with the family of a friend we met on the train. they were absolutely lovely and welcoming, making us a delicious dinner and making us feel like honored guests.
the next day was the culmination of holi, where absolutely everyone gets covered in color. i stepped out into the streets and within seconds i was blueyellowpinkgreen. i was also, however, surrounded by packs of men who finally had an excuse to place their hands wherever the hell they wanted while i stood trapped and furious. needless to say i returned to the guesthouse pretty quickly to watch from the sidelines, until a family living nextdoor invited us in to sit with them while the women sang and the men socialised... this, however did not last long, and before we knew what was happening the kids had all grabbed buckets and were making for the hose... helped to wash off some of the color though. quite hilarious watching these digified women in saries getting attacked by dignified old men in their sunday best, everyone laughing hysterically - especially when me and jessy got held down and attacked from all sides.
later we went back to lokesh's family where all the kids were adorably excited to see us again and cover us (again) with color. we ended up having a big hindi dance party in the living room, with me and jessy awkwardly trying to imitate the graceful and totally beautiful dancing of the women in the family. later, we went and saw the sights of udaipur from the back of a motorbike - the aftermath of holi is quite a sight, with drains running with blue and red, men with green hair, multi -colored cows...
so, these are the things and days and experiences that make it all worthwhile. and yet, it is impossible to forget that i am a woman here, impossible to forget that as a western woman travelling in india i am seen as many things and few of them are based on my wonderful personality. i am money(come see my shop?) , i am status (please, one photo?) and i am sex. (hello madam. very beautiful! hisshiss). it can sometimes be ignored but other days it is just too depressing to let it slide. i have been sad to discover in the last few days that even my own instincts cannot be trusted, that people are never as they seem and the stereotype into which i am pigeon-holed is never far from the surface. i have learned that making friends with indian men is not the same as making friends with canadaian men, and that cultural differences can be totally overwhelming and impossible to overcome. never in my life have i felt so violated, so invaded as in this country. as noah will attest to, there have been days where i have felt like all the good things about india can be ecliipsed by a single incident, a single hand reaching where it could never go in canada without a law suit.
one thing which i find interesting is that is doesn't seem to be so much indian culture that is to blame as it is western culture. it is the way that women are constructed in popular culture and media in north america that creates the strange and offensive ideas that most men under thirty here seem to have about us roaming females. (the sexual repression of young people here, however, is certainly a factor) this is something i think we all need to think about in a society where we are becoming apathetic, where many people think that women's rights and human rights have reached their pinnacle and that we are as progressive as you can get. (this, in a culture where women are still shown in their panties on tv magazine covers movies newspapers, where women are still valued culturally for their youth and beauty rather than their identities, their humanness, where i know women who feel that they are only valuable and attractive when some trashyboy thinks they're hot) and this is exacly it - because of these portrayals i am not seen as being totally human here by men but rather as a sexual object to be possessed. sickening. being here has, paradoxically, made me think more and more about how much further we have to progress in canada, and how much work needs to be done to open people's eyes. apathy, apathy...
well, what else can i say? there are days that are indescribably beautiful, where india opens up beyond the tourist walls and i can catch precious glimpses into this fabulous culture. and other days i just want to crawl under a rock, or get a sex change. for now, i will just take out my frustrations here, and hopefully that will be enough to get me through the hard days. (christina, i wish you could be here sometimes to discuss and scream about this with me!)
love you all, and appreciating all of your fabulous intelligent empathetic and critical minds.
hugs and misses
Friday, March 10, 2006
nice head massage, madame?
ok. so i'm back. i keep forgetting people in my emails and spending my days nibbled by guilt, so i will try this out for a while.
so, where did we leave off? varkala i think. from there i took a train to bangalore, where i spent the day waiting for my connecting trip with a lovely gal who i befriended on the train. she took me to her college where she was having a 'send-off' (essentially a going away ceremony) since she was leaving her teaching position. i was made a reluctant guest of honor; they put me in the front of the classroom with the other teachers, gave me flowers, and even forced me to make a speech. (they tried to get me to sing, so the speech was a compromise). india is not the best place for a wallflower like me...i am constantly forced into situations where i am the center of attention. this is one thing i will absolutely not miss.
bombay. so far, it's been a strange experience. strange in the way that canada is strange - so by strange i mean normal. but a normal that is only normal if you've never left the bubble that is western culture. you follow? there are indian girls here who drink beer in public and smoke, and wear tight fitting clothing. yes! and people in expensive cars, and not a rickshaw in sight. and pubs. pubs with not just men, but women too! and movie theatres on every corner, and even a nightclub that has a queer night. i ventured into the 'taj mahal' today to find the singapore airlines office, and the place was full of stores like luis vuitton, or up-market indian silk shops. and lots of rich indian men on cell phones, and badly dressed tourists talking loudly.
but it's not quite canada. there is poverty here like i've never seen. the traintrack into bombay was lined by shacks made from tin and plastic, falling down and littered with garbage. and we drove through these slums for miles and miles. strange feeling, watching all this go by from a moving train, always an observer, always on the outside of what it is to truly live in this country, what it is to be anything but a tourist, an observer.
the train ride - ah the trains. there is nothing more indian than an indian train (from my humble outsiders opinion) first came the chai-wallas, with that totally inimitable monotone recitation, then came a little boy doing circus tricks down the aisles, contorting himself and flipping end to end. then came a little boy, deformed, sweeping up the litter and then pleading for coins. then the beggar families at every stop - stroking me through the window, poking me and pointing at their empty bellies. then the blind beggars, who sing these beautiful haunting songs as they slowly slowly slowy walk one foot in front of the other down the aisle. then the uniformed samosaidlyvadasamosaidlyvada sellers, who are clearly making an hourly wage since they move like lightning and are gone before you can meekly put up your hand and say "pardon me?"
last night i went to chowpatty beach (like in a rohinton mistry book!) and ate some very delicious deep fried balls filled with chickpeas and dahl, and then a strange dish that seemed to be composed of cereal, nuts, noodles, wormy-looking things and some sauce. it was also delicious. then we pigged out on saffron and pistachio kulfi...my god. i think if i had to live off of one thing forever that would be it. we met a sikh couple who explained some of the intricacies of the dessert menu and then found out they were from surrey and own the 'kwality' store in abbotsford.
tried to sit on the beach for a while but it's hard to enjoy the scenery when there are five men in front of you trying to sell you a massage, a bag of peanuts, a chai, their first-born child... i caved and got a foot massage (he already had my foot in his grips, what could i do?). it was an interesting experience, mostly consisting of him rubbing a copper disc up and down as hard and then occasionally squeezing all my bones together and then pulling my toes out of their sockets. he kept yelling "good?! GOOD?! this good?!!" what could i do but nod and suck back my grimace?
well, on monday i'm off to udaipur. then from rajastan i go to delhi, varanasi, bodhgaya... and maybe a golden temple thrown in somewhere. i've extended my flight to bangkok until the 10th, but it's still rush rush rush and then off to southeast asia.
ok, signing off.
let's hope this works...
so, where did we leave off? varkala i think. from there i took a train to bangalore, where i spent the day waiting for my connecting trip with a lovely gal who i befriended on the train. she took me to her college where she was having a 'send-off' (essentially a going away ceremony) since she was leaving her teaching position. i was made a reluctant guest of honor; they put me in the front of the classroom with the other teachers, gave me flowers, and even forced me to make a speech. (they tried to get me to sing, so the speech was a compromise). india is not the best place for a wallflower like me...i am constantly forced into situations where i am the center of attention. this is one thing i will absolutely not miss.
and hampi. a different world from this one, boulders and temples everywhere, broken down palaces, baths, mosques.. stayed in a guesthouse overlooking a rice field, with sunset views and a porchswing (to quote lonely planet). rented mopeds one afternoon and drove along one of the most picturesque roads in the whole world. the world! and it wasn't so scary, except when a bus appeared on the horizon, or when i had to navigate a herd of goats. they must be the absolute stupidest animals on the planet...
bombay. so far, it's been a strange experience. strange in the way that canada is strange - so by strange i mean normal. but a normal that is only normal if you've never left the bubble that is western culture. you follow? there are indian girls here who drink beer in public and smoke, and wear tight fitting clothing. yes! and people in expensive cars, and not a rickshaw in sight. and pubs. pubs with not just men, but women too! and movie theatres on every corner, and even a nightclub that has a queer night. i ventured into the 'taj mahal' today to find the singapore airlines office, and the place was full of stores like luis vuitton, or up-market indian silk shops. and lots of rich indian men on cell phones, and badly dressed tourists talking loudly.
but it's not quite canada. there is poverty here like i've never seen. the traintrack into bombay was lined by shacks made from tin and plastic, falling down and littered with garbage. and we drove through these slums for miles and miles. strange feeling, watching all this go by from a moving train, always an observer, always on the outside of what it is to truly live in this country, what it is to be anything but a tourist, an observer.
the train ride - ah the trains. there is nothing more indian than an indian train (from my humble outsiders opinion) first came the chai-wallas, with that totally inimitable monotone recitation, then came a little boy doing circus tricks down the aisles, contorting himself and flipping end to end. then came a little boy, deformed, sweeping up the litter and then pleading for coins. then the beggar families at every stop - stroking me through the window, poking me and pointing at their empty bellies. then the blind beggars, who sing these beautiful haunting songs as they slowly slowly slowy walk one foot in front of the other down the aisle. then the uniformed samosaidlyvadasamosaidlyvada sellers, who are clearly making an hourly wage since they move like lightning and are gone before you can meekly put up your hand and say "pardon me?"
last night i went to chowpatty beach (like in a rohinton mistry book!) and ate some very delicious deep fried balls filled with chickpeas and dahl, and then a strange dish that seemed to be composed of cereal, nuts, noodles, wormy-looking things and some sauce. it was also delicious. then we pigged out on saffron and pistachio kulfi...my god. i think if i had to live off of one thing forever that would be it. we met a sikh couple who explained some of the intricacies of the dessert menu and then found out they were from surrey and own the 'kwality' store in abbotsford.
tried to sit on the beach for a while but it's hard to enjoy the scenery when there are five men in front of you trying to sell you a massage, a bag of peanuts, a chai, their first-born child... i caved and got a foot massage (he already had my foot in his grips, what could i do?). it was an interesting experience, mostly consisting of him rubbing a copper disc up and down as hard and then occasionally squeezing all my bones together and then pulling my toes out of their sockets. he kept yelling "good?! GOOD?! this good?!!" what could i do but nod and suck back my grimace?
well, on monday i'm off to udaipur. then from rajastan i go to delhi, varanasi, bodhgaya... and maybe a golden temple thrown in somewhere. i've extended my flight to bangkok until the 10th, but it's still rush rush rush and then off to southeast asia.
ok, signing off.
let's hope this works...
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