all i really wanna do...

i am listening to records, sitting by the window, slowly sipping lukewarm coffee from a pretty mug. it is reassuring how much pleasure the scritch-scratch of a record player can bring me, a blue sky, a drawn-out morning.

the sun has been shining here almost non-stop for the last few weeks. it is lovely. we spent much of saturday at the park, sleeping in the sun. it was actually the first time in as long as i can remember that i had two days off in a row completely my own. though that is not completely true, as i am applying for a bunch of internships, all of which entail essays, all of which are different, all of which are due at alternating points between now and july. and i have been working six days a week since mid-april. so a day to lay in the sun, napping, was true joy. yesterday i spent just as i wanted, too; tidying my room, reading the newspaper, going out for coffee twice.

life is very strange these days. there has been a lot of change, so i am feeling a bit out of sorts. and my future is a blank page, a void. i don't think i've ever been so unsure about the future - i have absolutely no idea what september will bring. i would love to get an internship, but the competition is fierce and the funding limited, so i am trying not to set myself up for disappointment. i am saving money, and i keep dreaming of italy, greece, france, brazil, mexico, india... but as much as i would love to wander sunny streets for months on end, i know too that i would come back in exactly the same place i am now. which is a good place, but also a rather muddled and broke one. it is nice, though, this uncertainty, and exciting. anything could happen!