well, it's snowing again. not much to say about that.

i'm thinking about a lot of things lately. i'm thinking about the ever-immanent future, about where i want to be and where i want to go...i'm thinking about the summer as i watch the snow falling outside my window, i'm thinking about where i've been lately. i'm thinking about the macros and micros of life - the things that happen to us as individuals that can change us and shape us, and also the things that can happen to us on a bigger scale. the latter are the things that we discuss constantly in my program - the huge disasters we are facing on all fronts as a world: water shortages, desertification, climate change, an astounding loss of biodiversity... and also all the social crises these will bring (or that are already occurring); water shortages, famines, huge and growing inequalities, and world wars.

my prof brought in a report from the UN which proposed as a possible solution to water shortages... the cutting down of trees. if this isn't indicative of the totally counter-intuitive, anthropocentric, and short-sighted madness of today's way of thinking then i don't know what is. it's sad because these are the kinds of ideas being implemented as we speak. this is the kind of attitude that rules the planet: don't think about changing our lifestyles, don't think about changing our attitudes, don't think about poor people or redistribution - just focus on easy technological band-aid solutions. as if all these things happening in the world aren't a part of our own lives! as if they won't come around and affect us evenutally! but probably it won't affect all the rich leaders of the world who refuse to compromise; whatever changes happen are sure to affect the poor, and then the younger generations. it makes me furious, sometimes, the lack of power we have, and the selfishness of people who are fucking it all up for the rest of us. it makes me sad, and it makes me scared for the future. though i try not to think about it too much, i sometimes have a hard time believing that the world is not going to hell in a handbasket.

but then there's all this crazy wonderful stuff too, that gives me a little hope. there are so many people who are active in the community here. i heard somewhere that this is because of the specific history here; people have more of a sense of involvement and community because of the issues that have faced and continue to face the province. it's interesting to live in quebec, where there is this distinctive identity that people are proud of, and this sense of solidarity. but yeah, they have some great organizations here. equiterre; santropol roulant; eco-quartiers in each neighborhood where you can bring your compost, learn to fix your bike or buy your green bin; the rooftop gardens; the awesome history of community gardens that are protected by the municipality; alternatives; cooperative la maison vert... montreal is great.

anyways, there's that. and then there's my own little life. there's my desires and then there's my conscience. there's my desires and then there's my common sense. what to do when i leave montreal? do i stay in canada and make some meaningful roots somewhere, or do i follow my whim and go off to another country to try to learn something new? do i go back to school next year, and if so where do i focus my energies? oh dear.